If Jacques Dutronc Stole My Girlfriend....

...I'd make no bones about it.

Unless.

It was Billie from Premier Model Management.

I find myself addicted to the mindless going off's and come on's of the The Model Agency on Channel 4. I watched it alone on wednesday night with pasta, pesto and balsamic vinegar. I watched it again, last night, on catch-up television. This time, thanks to my sister in law, I had a mushroom risotto and spinach salad.

What is it about the show that has me so engrossed? It's hard to say.

Is it the grinding enticement of high fashions endless treadmillers? Possibly.

Is it the feigned concern for a young girls education? Possibly.

Is it Carole's blatant disregard for this country's workplace smoking laws? Almost certainly.

Is it the legs? Hmmm.


Billy Collins, the American poet, once wrote of the blues refrain:

"Much of what is said here must be said twice,
 a reminder that no-one takes an immediate interest in the pain of others"

I urge you to watch this program twice. If you're anything like me, you'll be left with plenty of unanswered questions. Like:

Why does Sissy have a picture of her boyfriend as a screensaver when she sits opposite him every day?

How many illegally parked cars is it possible to fit outside one building without getting a ticket?

I understand. It's not life and death. It's not even life. But, it's my recent and understudied belief, for every Panorama we need a White Van Man. For every South Bank Show we need a/the Cube. As sure as my Sure deodorant has been the cause of 10,000 undeserving deaths in the land of the rising sun, there's a ruthless balance here.


I can see your face reader and I know I am stretching you here.
I've come on too fast haven't I?

Send your answers and polaroids on a postcard to The Runners Club, 1 Vanity Lane, Vapidville.

Thank you for listening, I'm off to rub myself over a photocopier,

But before I go,

Here's a little Jacques for you,

Tres bon,

Tres cool,

Lots of love, lust, cheekbones and fair skinned smiles,

NDK
xx


PS.

Tomorrow.
How many blowjobs does it take to get a record deal?

Jacques Dutronc - Et Moi, Et Moi, Et Moi